A Glance of the Heart
by Isiodith
Summary: Exact scenes in the TV repair shop, from beginning to end. With my own interpretation of Neo and Trinity's thoughts, when facing betrayal, death and each other.


Disclaimer: Don't own the Matrix in any way, so don't need to even think about suing.  
  
Author's Notes: After all the fun I made of the Matrix, time for some pure self-indulgence, i.e. romance of my fave couple. Always thought the scenes in the TV repair shop is truly emotional, so much going on even within a mere glance. So write my personal interpretation of what the characters (Neo/Trin) might think. Please R & R   
  
  
  
  
The old rotary phone's ringing unnervingly, pressing us to hurry. We pace as fast as we can manage into the room. Each step heavily lands on the floor, as if to release our restlessness.  
  
"You first, Neo." Trinity says, a little out of breathe. The rule is to always let the most inexperienced one out first. So I pick up the receiver, but there is no more signal. Nothing but silence.  
  
"What happened?" she asks with eyes widened and stares at me as I stand there still, holding the receiver in hand.  
  
"I don't know. It just went dead." I answer, and hand the phone over as she reaches for it.   
  
She listens and hangs it up in frustration. Letting out a short sigh, she dials her cell phone, and paces around waiting for the operator to answer. It takes strangely long.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"Hello, Trinity." I hear Cypher instead of Tank's firm voice.  
  
I should be glad at least one person is safely out, but suspicion takes over. Something is not right on the other side. "Cypher? Where is Tank?"  
  
"You know, for a long time, I thought I was in love with you..." I frown at his words, don't quite follow what he says. My mind is racing furiously fast while I pace back and forth, until catching the last few words. "Too bad things had to work out like this." says him.   
  
It is clear now, crystal. The truth strikes me hard, harder than having an agent punching me in the heart. I feel like to scream, but there is not enough left in me to do so. "You killed them."   
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"You killed them." There is more sorrow and devastation in her voice than anger.  
  
I am shocked, so are the others. "What?!" Apoc says in disbelieve, followed by Switch's "Oh, God." We all fix our eyes on Trinity. Silence, total silence, conquers the room, except her voice, and we focus hard, trying to hear Cypher on the other end of line, vainly.  
  
"You gave them Morpheus." She says quietly, stunned.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"You gave them Morpheus." It hurts so much that I can't feel the pain anymore. A void, that's all there is in my chest, as if my heart has been taken away to leave only a nothingness.  
  
"He lied to us, Trinity. He tricked us. If you'da told us the truth, we woulda told you to shove that red pill right up your ass."   
  
Of all things he could have said, not Morpheus. Of all things he could have done, not betraying us, most importantly, Morpheus. I try hard to work myself to speak, and harder to suppress all emotions, or rather the senselessness. "That's not true, Cypher, he set us free."  
  
"Free? You call this free? All I do is what he tells me to do. If I had to choose between that and the Matrix, I choose the Matrix." Cypher is still bullshitting.  
  
"The Matrix isn't real!" I have to sound calm and firm when reasoning with a mad man. It's not likely to bring him back to his sense, but it is the only chance. Only possible thing I can do.  
  
"Oh, I disagree, Trinity. I think the Matrix is more real than this world. All I do is pull a plug here. But there, you watch Apoc die."   
  
I turn to face Apoc. He knows what is about to happen. Fear pours out of his eyes. Fear, from a strong man who seems to know no fear. "Trinity!" he says breathlessly. He is depending on me; his life is depending on me. And there is nothing, absolutely nothing, I can do but watch him fall.  
  
Switch runs to him, the fallen body of Apoc. I hear Cypher saying "Welcome to the real world, huh, baby."   
  
"But you're out, Cypher. You can't go back." I still attempt to reason with him, though I know better that all is in vain.   
  
"Oh no. That's what you think. They're going to reinsert my body. I go back to sleep, and when I wake up, I won't remember a God-damn thing." So he did all these just to get himself back into the Matrix. Irony, a way to dark irony to really happen. He continued, "By the way, if you have anything terribly important to say to switch, I suggest you say it now."  
  
"No, please don't." I beg.  
  
"Not like this." Switch sobs, kneeling over motionless Apoc. She looks up, and her teary eyes meet mine. Knowing she is the next, she shakes her head, mutters to herself, "Not like these."  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Switch falls.   
  
I bend over both of their bodies. So this is death? Death of the best warriors in the Matrix. So quick, so easy, so... clean? In what's just a split second, they are on longer with us. No struggle, no blood, nothing, all it takes is to pull a plug.   
  
We all have foreseen our own death since the day we knew what we were unplugged for. Thinking we would be killed in a bullet shower, or by an agent... But nothing of this sort, betrayed and killed by a fellow crew member. "Not like this." Switch's final words echoes in my ears.   
  
"Goddamn you, Cypher!" I turned to face Trinity, who seems to be at the edge of collapsing. There is a blend of anger, hatred and pain in her voice.   
  
I share all her feelings. Yet as for the grief of loss, she must feel it more deeply than I do. From what little I know about her, she grew up in Neb with all the others. The bound between them, the strong bound formed by tear and blood, life and loss, is in her very skin.   
  
For a moment, I feel guilty to be alive, though I know that soon I will join the them in the other world. Trinity looks at us, the live and dead, in silence, then tilts her head away. I stand up, gingerly, and turned to face her.  
  
It's my turn.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"If Morpheus was right, then there's no way I can pull this plug. I mean if Neo's the one, then there'd have to be some kind of a miracle to stop me. Right? I mean how can he be the one if he's dead? " Cypher's words tear me apart inside. I look at Neo, who is still kneeling over Switch and Apoc's body. He turns to me, knowing exactly what's coming, and slowly stands up.  
  
He looks so innocent. Nothing he has done deserve an ending like this. Not that the others do; yet the idea of watching him fall is terrifying. I turn slightly away to avoid looking at him. If all of us are meant to die today, let me die before him. I can't stand to see one more death right in front of my eyes, especially of Neo.   
  
I make no reply to Cypher, knowing whatever I say can't make a difference. Neo seems calmer than me. I know he doesn't feel the same intensity of grief, which I don't blame him since he has been on Neb for long. There is fear, which he tries to hide, but a trace of it spills from his virgin eyes. And I recognize confusion and disbelieve. He still can accept what just happened to be true. How can it be in a world that is not real?  
  
"You never did answer me before. If you bought into Morpheus' bullshit -- come on -- all I want is a little yes or no. Look into his eyes, those big pretty eyes. Tell me. Yes or no." Cypher presses further.  
  
I lock my sight with his. His eyes, deep and clear. He becomes all that matters now. I am merely taking in the very image of him, before he perishes, and before myself perish. His returning gaze will be made into what I know to be the last memory of mine. There is a bitter sweetness in that very thought, and...  
  
I love him.  
  
I love Neo. Not because he is the One, not because I am destined to love him by a prophecy of twelve years. I just love him as he is, and that true feeling of love makes me believe that Morpheus is right.   
  
A single word falls quietly. "Yes."  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
I wait. Nothing happens, just yet. The knowledge of the death's coming is repressing.  
  
Tears fill Trinity's icy green eyes, and she opens them wider to stop even a single drop from spilling. The always strong Trinity now has the expression of a wounded little animal, and it hurts me to see that she's hurt.  
  
She slightly raises her sight to meet mine. Pain, sorrow and pity, I read from her. And for a split second, something else flashes in the teary eyes. It ends too soon, before I can confirm it with a second glance. Yet, from whatever little I caught, there is more meaning to it than I have ever hoped. At least I hope there to be.  
  
I can hear myself calling her name in my very mind, soft and soothing... then loud and desperate... The soundless echo hurts my ears, and my heart.  
  
A word quietly falls from her lips, "Yes." So quiet, almost inaudible. I don't know what it's supposed to mean, but I sense it to be a fateful moment. Then, her hand holding the phone drops.  
  
Total silence encloses us. For a while, she doesn't take her eyes off me, nor I her. I'm sure there is the flash in my eyes. The same one I thought I caught from her a moment ago. Whether she understands it, I am honestly not sure. Neither I am sure if I want her to understand.  
  
The gaze between us flows across the silent air, says more than we have ever spoken.  
  
For we don't know how long, none of us moved, merely living in the very presence of each other. 


End file.
